My Parents Have Parents

My mom was recently going through a financial struggle. Her and her husband were going through a rough patch in their marriage, so they took a break. She was living alone and unemployed. I felt like I had a responsibility to help out since I'm the oldest child, but there wasn’t much I

My relationship with my father has been different. He used to drink a lot while when I was younger, but although he would come under those conditions, he still would have the time and dedication to play with me. When I was younger I used to spend lots of time with my father, he would try to show me how to repair cars, I remember getting all greasy by trying to help him, but after a while I was sent to live with my grandmother, so our

During my childhood my mother and father expected me, my brother and two sisters to be respectful, obedient and polite. They set a conservative tone for our house that was not as strict as a boarding school, but there were similarities. Now that is not to say they beat us, or were mean, in fact they loved us very much but the love was shown from a specific distance. We talked, we laughed, but we never talked loudly, and we never laughed too much. I can remember hugging my dad, but it was when I was pretty little. I guess he felt that I was a boy, and as such I had to stand on my own. My only problem was he worked so much I never really learned how to stand on my own as a man. He never taught me how to defend myself. My mom always told me to walk away from a fight, problem is kids don’t view the world as adults, and the kid looking to avoid a fight probably didn’t know how to fight, and that was just too tempting a target to pass up. After we mover to Cerritos it was different, my relationship with my dad changed. He was getting home after work on time, he was around in the evenings and on weekends. I could see he was more relaxed, under less stress than he had been before and it was great! We started doing things together more regularly. We went deep sea fishing 4 or 5 times a year, we went to science fairs, hobby shops and down to the local harbors and checked out sail boats. I was getting to know him, where he came from,

I was born in Kerala, India and was raised in Chicago, IL. I came to America at the age of three hoping for a better future. My father came to America first, and he lived with my Aunt who had three sons. After two years my father saved enough money to bring my mom, sister, and I to the US. During this time he would work as a dishwasher at a nursing home to support my family. After a month of living with my Aunty and her kids my dad found an apartment to rent. Eventually, we moved into a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my family. That was the hardest time period for me due to language barriers. My sister and I started to learn English. However, my parents were struggling to learn a new language so we would have to go everywhere with them to translate. Another, difficulty that we faced was financial issues. At that time we were making ends-meet and we were scraping every penny that we got. Afterwards, my mom got her CNA license she started working two jobs when I was only four years old. Even till this day she is still working two jobs to support the

She told me I needed to be the man of the house despite the fact, I was the second oldest. My older brother continued to struggle and get in trouble as he wrestled with his own demons. I didn’t have the luxury of doing what I wanted. I dropped many extra-curricular activities so I could be home to help my siblings with homework and dinner. Even to the extent that my going away to college was simply to encourage them to do the same when they finished high school.

Daddy? It has always been just my mother and I. There was never a really strong father figure in my life since the day my father left when I was just two years old. He just packed his bags and left, as simple as that, I never saw him ever again. (until a few years later) I wasn’t able to get to know him, didn’t get to find out what kind of food he liked, the TV shows he watched or even if he ever loved my mother and I. I don’t remember ever writing him a Father’s Day card or feeling the warmth of his arms around me, I was too young to remember ever having his love, I don’t remember much about him at all. To me he’s a mere shadow, a fuzzy memory that never seems to fail to creep into my dreams and haunt me. I can’t escape him he’s everywhere, every father I see with his family having a picnic at the beach, in every couple that I see holding each other on

To begin, my mother actually helped me shape the way I wanted to be when I acquired my college career. Shortly after the 8th grade began, she went through family deaths and quit her job, which lead her to start drinking heavily. I told myself that “it was all right to be scared because I was about to be brave.” I told myself that I would be forced to take any circumstance into my control. I watched as she would be passed out on the couch, too drunk to even know where she was. I remember the time she became angry at me since I did not hear her tell me to let our dogs out. She called me into her room and told me “if you do not like the way I am raising you, then you can move out.”

Growing up I lived with my mom and grandparents. My dad left before I was even born, so my mom was stuck paying the bills of my everyday life. I struggled in school a lot with the fact that everyone around me had a dad, but I didn’t. As time grew on the expenses just kept piling up and I was blaming myself for my dad leaving when truthfully it wasn’t mine or my mom’s fault at all.

She would not ask my dad for help as she knew he would not be to please to have to stop his resting, unless dinner was done. If was not common for my dad to discipline us, unless my mother was busy handling another child. The most work my father would do, would be fixing the small things around the house or working with the things that he really enjoyed. As it is said, “what one gives to a relationship is experienced as a cost, and what one receives is experienced as a reward” (Balswick, 91). For my dad, his cost was working the hours that he did, and his reward was coming home and sitting in his chair, not having to take on the responsibilities house work and child care. My mother was huge in helping us, kids, with our homework and our needs. One thing different about my mom was that she was typically the one who enforced the discipline. She was adamant in make sure we knew what was tolerated and what was not.

My mom being a 12 year old and the oldest girl of the family turned out to be the best choice to act as the second mother for my uncle. She remembers having to wake up in the middle of the night and having to help out with the crying baby. Also, at the age of 12 my mom had to stop going to school even though she absolutely loved going to school and her biggest dream was to become a teacher. But living in a small town that only had elementary school made it very hard and almost impossible to have permission by her parents to go to a different town and join middle school and eventually high school. She remembers one day coming out of school and begging her dad if she could have the opportunity to go to Colima and finish her studies. The only words my grandpa said were “school isn’t meant for girls, girls are only meant for cooking and cleaning” my mom started crying and telling my grandpa he was wrong and girls could succeed and be independent too. But, my grandpa didn’t give her the opportunity to study instead the only thing my grandpa gave her was a huge slap across her face. My mom still wanted to have the opportunity to be educated so she would go to this old lady’s house and borrow some of her books. My mom would read and read in her free time. This is why my mom’s vocabulary is so incredible and she is able to read and write very well for a person who only went up to the sixth grade. When my mom turned 14 she had the

My relationship with my father: I’m not sure exactly when, but it was before I was 5 years old that my parents divorced. I have been living with my mother before I moved to the United State of America. Back in Thailand, even though I lived with my mother, my sister who lived with my father sometimes come along and live with us. Because of that, I have somewhat communication with my father, even it was rarely. I rarely went out with my father such that 1-2 times a year or just some years. In fact, I know more about my father from my sister than talking to him in person. Even now, when I talk to my father, I’m still not used to him. As a father’s responsibility, I believe that is the reason why he used to tell me that, if I need anything,

No brothers,no sisters,no step-dad,no shared bedrooms or bathrooms,just me and my mom. I can count my shoe collection on several sets of hands,I eat out whenever I want,and my wallet is the reason my pants sag so often. When I wake up I only have to say goodmorning to my mom and nobody else I share the bathroom with just her I eat with only her. But once I get outside the house and see my friends laughing and playing with this guy they call their dad. I get neglectant and jealous. Where was my dad? Well he was only 10 minutes away,stayed the house his family grew up in. He rarely calls and when he does he spits the same lines,where you been,why haven’t you called,I hate it when does that so he gets the same answer everytime. So

After exiting the stage and seeing most of my classmates for the last time, it was time to face my dad. I walked up to my family greeting me with “congratulations!” and flowers, I told everyone thank you and walked over to my dad; his eyes were red and his face looked sad “I’m really tired”, he lied. “I’m really proud of you kid” I gave a smile and said, “thank you”. We talked for a few more minutes before he left and went home. Weeks have passed that I didn’t hear anything from my father, I would make the effort to call him just to only talk to a monotoned version of my father for a few minutes and then hang up. I knew what he was thinking. I knew he thinks that I did this just to spite him; I was blamed for it many times. But what I will never know is, why can’t he support me when I found someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated and loves me unconditionally?

A father is the first relationship a girl is supposed to have with a man, but not for me. As a girl growing up without a father I experienced low self-esteem, lack of confidence and disappointment. Growing up without a father seemed not to affect me too much as a child until I got older. Ever since I can remember, it has always been my mother and I. Since I have been old enough to remember my father was never there for me. I do not know my father very well, I do not know his favorite food, color, sport, or TV show. It was difficult growing up without him in my life. My father is an inconsistent man who was in and out of my life. All during elementary and high school my father was never present at any of my honor’s programs nor my kindergarten or middle school graduation. We never participated in any activities together, especially athletic and band activities. I never had the opportunity to go on a real family vacation with my father. My father was present at my high school graduation but he did not have the decency to come and congratulate me for my accomplishments. At some points in my life not having my father was very difficult growing up. Not having my father’s support affected my school performance because my self-confident and self-reliant wasn’t there.

He was so simple and most of the time, even he tends to be hot-tempered, he is very calm and patient. There are encounters that I was scolded and but there was always a reason why he did his actions that way. It was a frustration on my part that I was not been able to be close to him. I never had a serious talk with him during my childhood days. During my adolescent stage, when going home late from school, my father often fetched me. He was a supportive father but since he has less talk, there are times that I don’t understand his actions. I never had a chance to ask him because I am afraid of him because of his attitude of being an authoritarian being the eldest in the