The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
William Schwenck Gilbert (1836–1911)Lorenzo de Lardy
D
An officer, late of the Guards,
Lorenzo de Lardy, a lord,
A personal friend of the bards.
Dalilah de Dardy was old
(No doubt in the world about that),
But Dalilah de Dardy had gold.
The flower of maidenly pets;
Young ladies would love at his call,
But Lorenzo de Lardy had debts.
And one of his favourite freaks
Was to hide himself three times a year
In Paris, for several weeks.
He fanned himself into a flame,
For a beautiful “Damsel Compterore,”
And this was her singular name:
Euphrosine Colombina Thérèse
Juliette Stephanie Célestine
Charlotte Russe de la Sauce Mayonnaise.
Accoutred in showy fal-lal,
At a two-fifty restaurant, in
The glittering Palais Royal.
Her hand he would tenderly squeeze,
But the words of her tongue that he knew
Were limited strictly to these:
Houp-là! Je vous aime, oui, mossoo,
Combien donnez-moi aujourd’hui
Bonjour, mademoiselle, parlez-voo.”
Was a witty and beautiful miss,
Extremely correct in her ways,
But her English consisted of this:
Blom boodin, biftek, currie lamb,
Bouldogue, two franc half, quite ze cheese,
Rosbif, me speak Angleesh, godam.”
Admiring their sparkle and dance,
And list while she rattled away
In the musical accents of France.
Had basked in her beautiful gaze,
And burnt to dismember Milor,
He loved De la Sauce Mayonnaise.
Avec dèsespoir tu m’accables,
Penses-tu, De la Sauce Mayonnaise,
Ses intentions sont honorables?
Je me vengerai ainsi, ma chère:
Je lui dirai de quoi on compose
Vol au vent à la Financère!”
The waiter’s devotion ignored,
But he gazed on the beautiful miss,
And he never seemed weary or bored.
His fingers he’d snap and he’d dance,
And Lord Lardy would smile and observe:
“How strange are the customs of France!”
His tradesmen no longer would wait;
Returning to England apace,
He yielded himself to his fate.
Miss Dardy’s developing charms.
And agreed to tag on to his own,
Her name and her newly found arms.
Of an ugly and thin coryphée,
Who danced in the hindermost rows
At the Théâtre des Variétés.
Didn’t yield to a gnawing despair,
But married a soldier, and plays
As a pretty and pert vivandière.