Home  »  The World’s Wit and Humor  »  The Dream-Wife

The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.

Tomasz Kajetan Wegierski (1756–1787)

The Dream-Wife

STRANGELY ’wildered must I seem;

I was married—in a dream.

Oh, the ecstasy of bliss!

Brother, what a joy is this!

Think about it, and confess

’Tis a storm of happiness,

And the memory is to me

Sunbeams. But fifteen was she:

Cheeks of roses red and white;

Mouth like Davia’s; eyes of light,

Fiery, round, of raven hue,

Swimming, but coquettish too;

Ivory teeth; lips fresh as dew;

Bosom beauteous; hand of down;

Fairy foot. She stood alone

In her graces. She was mine,

And I drank her charms divine.


Yet, in early years our schemes

Are, alas! but shadowy dreams.

For a season they deceive,

Then our souls in darkness leave.

Oft the bowl the water bears,

But ’tis useless soon with years;

First it cracks, and then it leaks,

And at last—at last it breaks.

All things with beginning tend

To their melancholy end:

So her beauty fled.


Then did anger, care, and malice

Mingle up their bitter chalice.

Riches like the whirlwind flew,

Honors, gifts, and friendships too;

And my lovely wife, so mild,

Fortune’s frail and flattered child,

Spent our wealth, as if the day

Ne’er would dim or pass away;

And—oh, monstrous thought!—the fair

Scratched my eyes and tore my hair.

Naught but misery was our guest.

Then I sought the parish priest:

“Father, grant me a divorce.

Nay, you’ll grant it me, of course;

Reasons many can be given—

Reasons both of earth and heaven.”

“I know all you wish to say.

Have you wherewithal to pay?

Money is a thing, of course—

Money may obtain divorce.”

“Reverend father, hear me, please ye—

’Tis not an affair so easy.”

“Silence, child! Where money’s needed,

Eloquence is superseded.”

Then I talked of morals, but

The good father’s ears were shut.

With a fierce and frowning look

Off he drove me— And I woke.